It’s Not Cellulite, It’s My Body’s Way of Saying “I’m Sexy”… in Braille

A week that started in full force with a great outlook for yesterday’s weigh-in had more than a few distractions. My sister flew down to visit us for a week and brought along her new boyfriend that I was meeting for the first time.

So yes, I drank my fair share in alcohol this week.

I still managed to get to the gym… once. It’s difficult to leave your house guests behind and carry on with your regular workout routine. Smoothies as a snack also fell through as we were out of the house for most of the days. I did get in some physical activity while walking around and touring the city with them. We even had a splash at the water park!

Ooooh the water park! So nerve racking! I get into the good ol’ one piece and check myself out in the swirly IKEA mirror on the wall (if I position myself between two of the swirly mirrors that are slightly separated, I look half as big!). Hmmmm… cellulite on the front of my legs now too, eh!? When did you sneak up? The party got too big in the back and it had no choice but to expand around the front. Glad I could accommodate!

Cellulite… Cellulite, cellulite, cellulite. Before I ever visibly showed any signs of cellulite I was more than grossed out at the women who walked around with it showing. Eew! Why not cover up? It wasn’t until I was unsuspectingly attacked and overpowered by cellulite one dark evening, that I began to notice it sneaking up everywhere! Young, fit, 20-something year old women, walking around with their own braille codes on the backs of their legs and thighs. Cellulite doesn’t discriminate, either. Young, old, rich, poor… I have to admit, I am definitely one of those people suckered into the gossip magazines that feature incriminating beach photos of celebrities sporting their own braille messages. They are human! … sort of.

  

Have you attempted any of the shelf cellulite products? Pfft… I haven’t. Umm… Yeah. Okay, maybe I have tried it once… or, possibly, have a continuous supply of Nivea Cellulite Gel in my bathroom cupboard. I used to always buy the Nivea Cellulite Patches, until they were discontinued. The product was being discontinued and I still insisted on buying out the rest of the product left on the shelf because I swear “it worked!” I will not even attempt to explain my thought process behind that decision. Mind over matter. If I think it’s helping or reducing the appearance of the cellulite, then so be it. If I could afford to experiment with all of those expensive procedures that the celebrities are undergoing to reduce the appearance… I’d do those, too.

But, I can’t afford it. I can barely afford to keep up my stalk of all those firming gels and creams.

So…


Here it is, folks! A step-by-step guide to perfecting your own body braille message
:

1. Invite your younger sister, that you are incredibly overprotective of, for a visit and ask her to bring her new boyfriend that you know absolutely nothing about. You will find beer after beer spontaneously appearing in your hand.

2. Eat away your emotions with an over indulgence in snacks and salty or sweet treats.

3. Invite over a house-full of people to intimidate said new boyfriend and prepare a spread of hors d’oeuvres that you must first “taste test” to ensure quality.

4. Take your house guests downtown to the Byward Market and stop in at “Dunn’s Famous Market Deli,” and order the Bacon Poutine!

   

Oooh right… So… Weigh-in day was yesterday. Yeah:

This weigh-in would indicate a 0.2lbs weight loss. It’s worse than last week’s results; however, I have decided NOT to beat myself up about this one, as it is still down, and definitely not up, despite the number of hearty distractions that I have had this week!

Until next post, my friends…

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