When the Feeling’s Right, I’m Gonna Run All Night. I’m Gonna Run to You!


Yes. I am in love with Bryan Adams. Especially pre-old-man-boobs Bryan Adams; however, old-man-boobs Bryan Adams is still amazing if you close your eyes. His voice is like… like… unicorns on birthday cake dancing wildly with rainbow sparklers!

Wait, no. Focus.

distracted

Refocused: The point of posting the song was solely for reference to a specific few lines of the song: “When the feelin’s right, I’m gonna run all night… I’m gonna run to you!”

I’ve spent the last year sitting in my butt groove on the couch, brewing Keurig after Keurig beverages, watching marathons of reality t.v, wondering why the hell I haven’t burned fat and shrunk my ever expanding ass!?

I maybe, sort of, somewhat was writing my own rules about weight-loss that didn’t end up working out so well for me:

myownrules

My personally-crafted rules to weight-loss.

On April 1st, 2013, I experienced a spine-chilling nightmare. Worse, actually, it was my reality. I stepped onto the scale (that bitch), that I had avoided for months as I la-di-da’d through my personally-crafted rules to weight-loss. I almost fell to the ground as the scale flashed my weight followed by a universe-shattering “Muhahaha” evil laugh (it happened, I swear).

26 years old and 165lbs. FML.

What did I do? Where did I go wrong? I only ate Doritos on gym days!! I swear!!

If my bitch of a scale had legs, it metaphorically kicked me in the ass that day. It was time, time for some good, old-fashioned, hard-up WORK. Some commitment. Some changes. Some lifestyle changes. At this point, I would like to direct your attention back to my Bryan Adams’ reference… I bought a new pair of running shoes and dammit I started running to you! Who is the “you” in the lyrics that I am running to? Health. I’m running to health, baby! (I know… Shut up).

Becoming a “runner” is a feat in my life, as I have been a dedicated anti-runner for the past 26.5 years of my life. I went out, bought some prime running gear, and hit the treadmill a couple of times a week (no seriously, I “hit” the treadmill for sucking so much!)… but eventually I started to run on it, too! After about a month, running became my affair and I broke up with Doritos (we may still rendezvous in party situations). I found a running partner, and have been running 15 to 20km a week ever since!

I ran away from the edge of obesity. Today is July 26th, 2013, and I am happy to report that I have run exactly 16.2lbs away from my April 1st weight! I definitely do not have all of the answers, but I’m starting to craft a revised version of my own “rules to weight-loss”… and I think I’m going to run with this one for a while 😉

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Day of Reckoning

Today is the day… one week since my first weigh in.

Over this last week I can definitely say that I haven’t been doing all that I can. I have been going to the gym, but not much has changed in terms of diet or use of my downtime at home.

I woke up this morning unsure of how confident I was feeling, preparing myself for the weigh-in I was about to do. I began to go through various scenarios in my mind:

I know what you’re thinking… What the heck is with the bacon comment? Is she deliberately trying to sabotage herself? Don’t judge me… I’m working on it. CLEARLY not there yet.

I began to make the long walk down the stairs to the scale. Weigh-in morning. Gah… Not my favourite. I stopped half way down the stairs, where the swirly mirror from IKEA is hanging on the wall, and lifted my shirt half way up. I checked out my morning abs: You know, that tight feeling in your muscles you feel only in the morning… fooling you into believing some sort of six-pack has emerged. Something was wrong with the mirror because I couldn’t find any abs.

***Note to self: Windex the mirrors in the house***

There it was… the scale… face-to-face with my fr-enemy. Our last encounter was daunting as it mocked me, flashing my weight back at me, over and over again. I stepped onto the scale… 156.6lbs. This would mean that I am down 1.2lbs in weight.

I should be happy about this? Right? It shows that although I haven’t been doing much at least I’ve been doing something… No… Not happy. Feeling a little defeated, actually, and nauseous. But, as I promised myself, the scale was down… So I fried up some bacon 🙂 It was a bittersweet celebration, though.

Time to make a change, any kind of change:

I went to the gym today, as well… but I’m going to end it at that. I came home with the same nauseous feeling I woke up with this morning. I attempted to make some sort of dinner but ending up violently vomiting instead. Yeeeeeah. Bedtime for me.

So… uh… What’s the plan?

Since I started this blog I’ve been prompted to think daily about the choices I am making, why I am making them, and why my journey to a healthy lifestyle has been such an exhausting round of yo-yo. It seems as though I am finally beginning to understand and really grasp the core of my issues, my forks in the road, when it comes to getting organized, getting “on-track,” and getting healthy:

  1. Boredom: I am used to being a busy person, overly busy, always on the go. During the summer, when I have any kind of downtime or when I’m not stressing over the next thing that needs to get done, I get bored. When I’m bored I eat. It seems as though I thrive on the stresses of a busy “on-the-go” kind of lifestyle;
  2. My ongoing love affair with food: It honestly feels impossible to end my ongoing love affair with food. I just can’t seem to kick the junk. Like I’ve mentioned in previous posts, it’s an abusive relationship that I have with food. It stalks me, haunts me, doesn’t let me hang out with the good/popular kinds of food… it’s everywhere! Always trying to corrupt me! Even when I try to prepare a healthy meal, I black out and when I come to I am grating cheese over my healthy plate of food!
  3. Queen of Excuses: I am probably the Queen of Excuses as I can usually convince myself out of things quite easily: but I worked hard yesterday; I have a sore _____________; I didn’t overeat today so I don’t need to workout; I deserve a day off; I deserve a few days off; I’m on vacation; I’ll start on Sunday; It’s the holidays, though…
  4. Risking Failure: This one was kind of hard to admit. I don’t like to disappoint. My worst critic is most definitely myself; but, I can’t stomach the idea of failing in front of someone else and therefore failing myself. Why try if I won’t succeed. What a horrible inner dialogue to have. I feel sorry for myself right now…

Okay… I’m done… Pity party is over.

The recognition of these roadblocks is a crucial step towards making positive changes; however, there is one very important factor missing thus far in my journey towards living a healthier lifestyle- a plan of action.

It’s one thing to recognize and complain about all of the flaws in my journey towards achieving a healthier lifestyle, but I haven’t really considered, yet, conjuring up any kind of plan of action for myself. I come across so much literature, both online and in my daily life, about getting fit. There are always different workouts being suggested, different meal plans or foods to implement. I brush them all off. I guess I can add a 5th point to my list of road blocks:

I always want to do it my way, figure it out on my own. I hate it when perfect-bodied people are telling me how to get there. Sounds like a completely backwards way of thinking, doesn’t it!? I should listen, as they’re clearly doing something right, but I begrudgingly let it all fall upon a deaf ear.

“Leeeettttt meeeee doooooooooo it”- I have a lot of Stuart moments from MadTV:

I read a well-written blog post by Rachel today, who wrote about BER [Binge Eating Recovery]. Her post had a clear message, with a great picture (just in case I didn’t fully grasp the message the first time). This is exactly what I have been doing: trying to “out-exercise” my “bad diet.” This is also a primary contributor as to why I have been yo-yo’ing with my weight so excessively throughout my life. I don’t have a plan of action, yet, but it’s time to develop one. I assume that would also mean that it’s time to hear what others are saying about this healthy lifestyle thing… and really listen.

Where do I go from here? What’s my first step? Any starting points or suggestions would be great… and they won’t fall upon a deaf ear.